Saturday, 17 November 2012

Ah ha, or is it oh oh?

Every term seems to have its 'ah ha' moment, but this time I'm not sure it shouldn't be more of an 'oh oh' one!

I've been really struggling over my work so far this term and trying to find a reason for being so interested in it.  I'm think I'm fairly environmental aware, but nothing special, not particularly interested in geography or geology etc, but have got a real bee in my bonnet about coastal erosion! Particularly the Holderness coastline in the East Riding of Yorkshire; I've been there are few times now, although I have no connection to the area.  I seem to have gotten bogged down in taking photos of the destruction it causes, and in a strange attraction to all things concrete - and I can't explain why.

The problem is that I've become increasingly frustrated by this not understanding which in turn means I can't articulate it in viewings or tutorials; a really important part of the process.  And also, pardon the pun, it's become incredibly heavy, all this concrete!  It's difficult to explain just how worried and panicky I've been about this.

So it came as a bit of a shock when, after a comment made at a recent artist lecture, T told my what she thought it might be about and just like that, I fell to bits!!!  She seemed to really hit a nerve when she suggested that this might be related to my 1st year project Another Layer of Loss.  Then it was about people and relationships, now it's perhaps more about how much I'm changing as a person and how difficult that is. My life is so different; I'm not the person I used to be and it's so hard to let go.  Even my home is something that seems to be slipping away from me so perhaps the coastal erosion is a metaphor for all of this. Maybe it's not, but given my reaction the whole loss thing it still seems like something I have to deal with.

Whatever it is, I definitely woke up lighter today and am hoping that I'll be able to move past this stuck phase and get rid of the concrete that's weighing me down.


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